Imagine you're sitting down to solve a complex jigsaw puzzle, each piece representing a different element of communication.
Some pieces are vibrant, and filled with words and phrases, while others are subtle – silent clues like a smile, a gesture, or a hesitant pause. Like a master puzzler, a skilled communicator must recognise and place each piece exactly to reveal the bigger picture.
But what happens when a piece is missing or misplaced?
Just as a missing puzzle piece distorts the finished image, any mismatch in these communication elements can affect the true meaning of the message you’re trying to convey.
Welcome to the intricate world of non-verbal communication, where silent signals often speak louder than words. In this post, we’ll explore how understanding these silent elements can change your interactions from awkward encounters into clear, effective exchanges.
What exactly is non-verbal communication?
Non-verbal communication includes all the ways we convey messages without words. It encompasses various elements like eye contact, body gestures, tone of voice, and even our appearance.
Your silent signals give clues such as how engaged in the conversation you are, how attentively you are listening, and whether you are sincere or not.
When these silent messages align perfectly with your spoken words, they build trust, enhance clarity, and strengthen connections. So, let’s discover how to use these silent signals to enrich our social and professional interactions.
Why is it so important?
Every day, we interpret and respond to thousands of non-verbal clues. Often these actions are so instinctive and ingrained in how we communicate as humans, that we are unaware of them.
You might have heard that over 90% of what we communicate is non-verbal. 93% to be exact.
Actually, this is a myth, one that is often cited and somewhat misleading.
The statistics have been attributed to the famous researcher Albert Mehrabian and his studies into non-verbal communication published in his 1971 book, ‘Silent Messages’. As the author himself explains,
“My findings are often misquoted. Clearly it is absurd to imply or suggest that the verbal portion of all communication constitutes only 7% of the message.”
We know that this research is often taken out of context and misinterpreted, but what is absolutely true is that effective communication relies on much more than just words, and a large percentage (50-70% is the accepted figure) of what we say, is not said with words at all.
Potential for misunderstandings: Cultural significance
Gestures can mean different things in different cultures, much like false friends in language learning (words that seem similar but have a completely different meaning!). For example, the thumbs-up gesture is positive in many Western cultures but can be offensive in parts of the Middle East.
Understanding these differences is crucial in global communication. Misunderstanding gestures like the American "OK" sign, which can be offensive in Brazil, could lead to miscommunication and unintended offence.
The changing face of communication: Our global world
Most of us communicate with people from different backgrounds and cultures regularly. Our colleagues, friends, and housemates are more likely to be from other countries than ever before.
With the rise of remote work, video calls have become a common platform for professional interactions. Here, both deliberate and unconscious gestures are on display more than ever.
Here are some real-life examples where getting it wrong can create problems:
Misreading Gestures in Social Settings
Example: Nodding usually indicates agreement in many cultures, but in Bulgaria, it means the opposite, saying no. Imagine a Bulgarian nodding during a conversation with an international friend who is sharing an exciting idea. The friend might think the Bulgarian is agreeing and interested, leading to confusion or even offense.
International Business Meetings
Example: Consider a business meeting between American and Japanese firms. In the U.S., strong eye contact is often interpreted as confidence and honesty. In Japan, however, prolonged eye contact might be seen as disrespectful or confrontational. An American businessperson making strong eye contact could inadvertently make their Japanese counterparts uncomfortable, potentially harming the business relationship.
Job Interviews Across Cultures
Example: In many Western cultures, a firm handshake at the beginning of a job interview is standard and viewed positively. However, in some Asian cultures, such as South Korea, a softer handshake is preferred, and a too-firm handshake might be seen as aggressive. A candidate unaware of these nuances might start off on the wrong foot, despite their qualifications.
Virtual Meetings Misunderstandings
Example: During a video call, one participant talks while another keeps looking away or appears to be typing. While the second person might simply be taking notes, others might interpret this behaviour as disinterested or disrespectful, affecting the team's dynamics and morale.
Written Communication Ambiguities
Emails and texts lack non-verbal context, which can make them tricky. They're interpreted based solely on text, without the benefit of tone or facial expressions. To ensure clarity, be explicit in your language and consider how your words might be perceived.
Example: An email sent with straightforward language might be intended to be efficient, but without the appropriate tone or non-verbal cues, it could be perceived as curt or rude. For instance, an email that simply states, "Please send the report by tomorrow." without a greeting or closing might make the recipient feel undervalued or pressured.
V for victory, or f*** you!
The V sign, a hand gesture made famous by Winston Churchill during the Second World War, is made by creating a V shape with the index and middle finger. The sign means either peace or victory (or possibly that you want two of something) but be careful which way your hand is facing depending on where you are in the world!
In the UK, Australia, South Africa, and several other countries making this gesture with the palm of the hand facing inwards (towards you) is offensive and akin to swearing.
Example: Students visiting the UK are often unaware of this meaning and happily pose for selfies at some of London’s famous landmarks attracting disapproving looks from passing locals. Remember, palms facing outwards!
General tips for positive communication
To communicate effectively, it’s essential that we are aware of our own behaviour and how we respond to others. Let’s look at some specific areas that we should be mindful of in British culture:
Mirror culture
Cultural norms differ from place to place. While you should always be authentic in your interactions, mirroring the accepted non-verbal style of the culture you are in helps you to communicate on a similar level, aligned to respectful values and appropriate behaviours.
The Power of Eye Contact and Physical Expressions
Maintaining eye contact shows confidence and interest in the conversation. Gestures, on the other hand, can range from a handshake to a nod, each adding layers to our words. For instance, in professional life a firm handshake often makes a good first impression, suggesting confidence and openness.
Tone of Voice: It's Not Just What You Say, But How You Say It
Your tone can completely change the message. For example, a sarcastic tone can turn a compliment into a critique. This shows why it's important to be aware of how you sound, especially in sensitive communications.
Appearance and Composure
How we dress and present ourselves can influence how seriously we're taken in professional settings. Try to observe how people dress and plan your outfit accordingly. Imagine how uncomfortable you would feel if your style was too casual in a formal setting, or vice versa.
Similarly, staying composed and not fidgeting can help convey confidence and credibility. One tip is to gently sit on your hands if this is a problem for you and you can’t trust yourself not to fidget!
Be aware of your own behaviour
Deliberate, or unconscious, do you know what and how you are communicating? Recording yourself during a call and reviewing the video can be an excellent way to become more aware of your non-verbal cues. It will be uncomfortable, but it could transform your silent communication.
Practical tips for avoiding misunderstanding
Clarification and Feedback: If you’re unsure, always clarify intentions and seek feedback to ensure messages are received as intended.
Observation and Adjustment: Pay attention to how others react and be ready to adjust your behaviour. If someone seems uncomfortable, consider if your non-verbal clues could be the reason.
Cultural Awareness: Gain a basic understanding of other cultures’ communication styles. This can prevent many common errors.
Non-verbal communication can be a minefield, but with a bit of awareness and adaptability, you can navigate these differences successfully. Remember, every uncomfortable situation is a chance to learn and improve. By embracing these subtle clues, you expand your understanding, making every interaction a bridge to deeper connection and respect.
How much do you know about this subject? Test yourself with our quiz below.
Quiz: "Do You Know Your Non-Verbal Cues?"
Choose the best answer for each question to see how well you understand non-verbal communication across different cultures.
Question 1: In which culture might a thumbs-up gesture be considered offensive?
A) Australia
B) United States
C) Thailand
D) United Kingdom
Question 2: If someone is nodding in Bulgaria, what are they likely expressing?
A) Agreement
B) Disagreement
C) Indifference
D) Confusion
Question 3: During a video call, if a participant is not looking directly at the camera, how might this be misinterpreted?
A) They are disinterested
B) They are multitasking effectively
C) They are taking notes diligently
D) They are fully engaged
Question 4: What does maintaining strong eye contact typically signify in American culture?
A) Aggression
B) Confidence
C) Dishonesty
D) Disrespect
Question 5: Which action can help prevent misunderstandings in non-verbal communication?
A) Using louder tones
B) Avoiding eye contact
C) Clarifying intentions and seeking feedback
D) Limiting gestures
Answers:
C) Thailand – Thumbs-up can be considered rude in some Asian cultures.
B) Disagreement – In Bulgaria, nodding means no or disagreement, which is the opposite of many other cultures.
A) They are disinterested – This might be perceived as a lack of engagement, though it could be a misunderstanding.
B) Confidence – In the U.S., strong eye contact is often interpreted as a sign of confidence and honesty.
C) Clarifying intentions and seeking feedback – Always a good practice to ensure messages are understood as intended.
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Your Author: Zoe Ford
Zoe is a CELTA-qualified EFL teacher and Ex-Director of Studies at a prestigious private language school in London. She has been teaching English to adults for over 10 years and has helped hundreds of students to reach their learning goals.
When Zoe isn't teaching you can find her at the cricket researching new blog ideas, she also loves to cook, to travel, and to share her passion for learning with others.
