Embracing Imperfection: Finding Balance in a Perfectionist World
Warning: Perfection is an illusion. Like unicorns and Father Christmas. If this surprises you, DO NOT read this blog!
illusion
Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? Or, would others describe you as one? If you answered yes, then this article is for you.
Perfectionism is on the increase. And it has the potential to affect us all. Think back, for a moment, to the world you were born into. Perfectionism often starts in childhood. Authority figures, like parents and teachers, can affect how we view ourselves and shape our sense of self-worth.
Many of us were raised with the idea of ‘healthy’ perfectionism, where striving to reach extremely high standards, and being self-disciplined and highly motivated were considered positive traits. We mistakenly equated these things with success.
But what happens when the quest for perfection crushes your dreams, rather than fuels them?
“Perfectionism doesn’t make you feel perfect.
It makes you feel inadequate.”
Maria Shriver (Journalist and Author)
Perfectionism can have serious effects on our mental health and well-being. From paralysing self-doubt to constant stress, the endless pursuit of perfection can leave us feeling exhausted and unfulfilled.
Sometimes, we don’t even know what perfection is! We’re chasing something unknown.
A 2017 study into perfectionism culture in the UK and the US since the mid-1990s, by Andrew Hill and Dr. Tom Curran, assistant professor in Behavioural Science at the London School of Economics, showed a worrying rise in the phenomenon.
The research resonated with people and led to a TED talk on the subject with over 3 million views, and later a book titled ‘The Perfection Trap’.
“Perfectionism is an attempt to get ahead in a culture that tells us who we are is never enough,” explains Curran.
"Perfectionism isn't just 'on' or 'off'; it's a spectrum with many shades in between. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, each displaying various traits of perfectionism."
I, too, am guilty of falling into this trap during my 20s and 30s.
I remember several job interviews where my standard answer to the question, ‘What is your biggest weakness?’, was,’ I’m a perfectionist, I like to do everything to the very best of my ability.’
I teach that we should try to turn negatives into positives, especially in interviews. But, I think this was more about secretly complimenting myself because somewhere deep inside I equated being perfect as the right answer.
Famous perfectionists
The celebrated artist Claude Monet was his own harshest critic. In 1908 an exhibition of his work in Paris had to be postponed after he destroyed 15 of his water lily paintings. Monet's rage of perfectionism is believed to have ruined 3 years of his work, worth $100,000 at the time (around $3 million today).
Tennis superstar Serena Williams has famously admitted to being a perfectionist, something which started at an early age.
“I remember learning to write my alphabet for kindergarten and not doing it perfectly and crying all night. I was so angry about it. I’d erase and rewrite that A over and over, and my mother let me stay up all night while my sisters were in bed. That’s always been me."
There are lots of things that we grow out of with age, thankfully. And the sooner we learn the lesson, the sooner we can stop being disappointed. Because as we now know, perfection is an illusion.
Avoiding the perfectionism trap
James Victore, in his brilliant book, ‘Feck Perfuction’ argues that fear of failure and perfectionism often prevent people from reaching their full potential.
So how do we break free from the constraints of perfectionism and embrace the beauty of imperfection?
Educating ourselves, and others is a good starting point.
How do we protect ourselves in this world where highlight reels on social media give us such distorted perceptions of real life?
Instead of focusing on flawless outcomes and unrealistic ideals, we should celebrate progress and growth, however small it may seem. There will always be room for improvement in whatever we do, and that's okay.
Sometimes wanting to be perfect can slow you down. It might make you scared of making mistakes, which can stop you from trying. But here's the thing: making mistakes is a huge part of getting better! So, don't be afraid to try, even if you stumble a bit along the way.
There is power in 'imperfect action' because moving forward is better than standing still.
It takes courage to start before you're ready and not wait for the perfect moment. "Too many of us are waiting to start. But while you are waiting, others are already living the life you want - the only difference between them and you is that they started." - James Victore.
It requires a mindset shift, a mindset that values progress and growth more than the illusion of perfection.
Problem - Fixed mindset and fear of failure
Perfectionists often have an intense fear of failure, which leads to procrastination, avoidance of challenges, and reluctance to take risks. This fear of making mistakes or falling short of unrealistic standards can prevent us from starting tasks or pursuing our goals, ultimately hindering progress.
Solution - Embrace a mindset of continuous improvement.
Having a growth mindset can make a huge difference. This means believing that you can get better at anything if you work hard and stay dedicated. When you think this way, you see every challenge as a chance to learn something new, which makes the whole experience much more rewarding. Failure is not a reflection of our worth but an opportunity to learn and grow. By reframing failure as feedback, we can approach challenges with resilience and adaptability.
Problem - Paralysis by analysis
Perfectionists tend to overanalyze and obsess over details, seeking an unattainable level of perfection in their work. This tendency can result in paralysis, as we become overwhelmed by the size of the task or the perceived need to get everything exactly right before taking action. As a result, progress is halted or delayed indefinitely.
Solution - Overcoming Inertia
Imperfect action breaks the inertia of inaction. It encourages us to take imperfect, but meaningful, steps forward. This momentum helps us to seize opportunities as they arise. Waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect conditions may result in missed opportunities or delayed progress.
Problem - Diminished Creativity
Perfectionism can stifle creativity and innovation, as we may be unwilling to explore new ideas or take creative risks for fear of missing our own high standards. The pressure to achieve perfection can lead to rigid thinking and conformity, affecting the potential for breakthroughs or original solutions.
Solution - Encourage experimentation
Embracing imperfection encourages learners to take creative risks. When we are not bound by the pressure to achieve perfection, we are more willing to explore unconventional ideas, try new approaches, and push the boundaries of what is possible. This creative freedom sparks innovation and opens up new possibilities for solving problems and achieving goals.
Problem - Negative Impact on Mental Health
Perfectionism is associated with high levels of stress, anxiety, and self-criticism. This can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and low self-confidence. This negative impact on well-being can further stop progress by draining our energy and motivation.
Solution - Practice Self-Compassion
Embracing imperfection cultivates resilience and adaptability, enabling us to bounce back from setbacks and persevere in the face of difficulties. As we become more accepting of our imperfections and limitations, we can approach tasks with greater confidence and authenticity.
Each small step taken towards our goals reinforces our belief in our ability to overcome obstacles and achieve success, boosting confidence and motivation along the way.
So how does perfectionism impact language learning?
The primary goal of learning a language like English is to communicate effectively. Aiming for perfection can often hinder communication as learners may become overly concerned with correctness at the expense of fluency and natural expression.
Language is dynamic and constantly evolving, and there is no single standard of perfection in English.
So trying to reach perfection is impossible.
Language learning is a journey that continues throughout life, and by focusing on getting better, we understand that improvement is a gradual process that unfolds over time.
This mindset encourages lifelong learning and growth, allowing learners to continue enhancing their English proficiency long after formal language courses have ended.
Improvement is a process. It is a journey, not a destination.
Perfectionism may be on the rise, but it doesn't have to rule our lives. By letting go of unrealistic expectations, embracing failure, and practising self-compassion, we can find balance in a perfectionist world. So let's strive for progress, not perfection, and embrace the imperfect beauty of being human.
Please share
If you've enjoyed what you read, please help us grow the Ford Learning community by sharing with your friends on social media, WhatsApp, email, or whatever method you prefer. Thank you.
Copy this link to whichever platform you prefer:
Subscribe
We would love you to subscribe to our blog and newsletter.
Your Author: Zoe Ford
Zoe is a CELTA-qualified EFL teacher and Ex-Director of Studies at a prestigious private language school in London. She has been teaching English to adults for over 10 years and has helped hundreds of students to reach their learning goals.
When Zoe isn't teaching she loves a good cuppa... to cook, to travel, and to share her passion for learning with others.
